Forgive Me
by Maka Rishona -REAL
Summary: "For just one moment, I forgot about all of the security cameras connected to screens that I knew several people were gathered around, and how they all could see what I was about to do. I just let go. I held the razor against my wrist with a shaky hand. For just one moment, things looked like they could be okay. Like they could somehow get better."
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey there, everyone! Welcome to my first (real) L x Light! This was also my first yaoi, so I'm sorry if it's not that great. But, if you do like it, I hope you tell me! So, with that said, sit back with a cup of whatever you like, and enjoy!**_

"I'm so sorry..." I apologized to no one. What was the point of talking? No one was here; no one would listen. Even after, despite myself, I continued speaking to the air. It was my only companion. It was the only one who heard my sobs, yet it didn't try once to stop me. "I never planned on it reaching this point..." I pulled a fresh razor blade out from under my mattress. Usually Light would have been here with me, but I asked that he just be put under surveillance for the time being. I did this whenever I needed relief...From the pains of the real world. Besides, the metal shackles rubbing against my scars was beginning to become troublesome. Honestly, I didn't want him to see me like this. He couldn't delay my plans any further. It was, after all, his fault that I was in the current situation that I was. For months I had what some would call 'romantic feelings' for him, but I knew he would never share them. I came here to find Kira. To learn everything about him, find out his identity, and to lock him away. I wanted to prove that all the officers that can and would die in this case did not pass in vain. At least that was my intention... I never planned on him being so perfect. And I certainly never thought I would or could fall in love again. It ended so poorly the last time, I never believed that I would get over it...

At the remembrance of my past, I felt tears sting my eyes. My vision began to blur. I quickly cut out the room and memories from my train of thought. I couldn't let the tears spill, and I'll be damned if I do. I refuse to cry, this was supposed to be a happy time... Right?

For just one moment, I forgot about all of the security cameras connected to screens that I knew several people were gathered around, and how they all could see what I was about to do. I just let go. I held the razor against my wrist with a shaky hand. 'Am I really going to do this...?' Was I really going to take my own life? For just one moment, things looked like they could be okay. Like they could somehow get better. Like through the endless sea of troubles, I finally saw some land. It was only tiny and quite far away, but if I tried, I could make it. Sadly it was too late. I answered my own question with 'yes' as I dragged the blade across my skin. It created a quite satisfying deep, thin, slit.

It didn't really hurt at first... That was odd... The hot, thick, crimpson liquid slowly seeped from the fresh wound. It was surprisingly comforting to watch it trickle down my arm and create a minature pond of blood at my feet. That's when I felt it. Like a million needles stabbing every inch of my flesh. It climbed to my brain and I flinched at the sudden pain. Only the ongoing knowledge that it would be over soon enough gave me the will to continue.

My vision was now spotted with black and red. My mind turned to mesh and that was the end. I fell from my position on the bed, smashing m head against the hard wood floor in the process. The impact caused my skull to throb, but it was hardly a nick compared to the intense jolts surging through my arm. My thoughts became hazy and I finally started to lose all feeling.

The last thing my ears could detect was the locked door busting open and someone screaming my name. It was a male voice and they sounded horrified. It was too bad I couldn't decipher the voice or at least contain enough energy to open my eyes to examine the beholder of the familiar vocal pattern. Perhaps if I would have known someone cared, I would still be here. I felt their thin arms wrap around me, holding me close to their chest as the whispered things to me- begging me to say something, anything. But, it was too late, I was gone.

_**So, yeah, that was the first chapter. I posted this chapter on another site, and people said it was a little depressing, but that's what I was going for. I hope you enjoyed it- even though it was really short. And if you did, please leave a follow/favorite and a review! Thanks!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey guys. First of all I want to say sorry for my absolute shittyness with updating. First I lost my laptop, then my phone decided not to let me download my Wattpad Application. (That's what I usually write my chapters on.) I finally got my laptop back the other day, but left it at home while I went to visit my brother for Thanksgiving. Ugh. So, yeah, I've kinda been slacking off, too. I lost a lot of my ambition to write, but once I read through the reviews, I knew that I had to write you guys another chapter. Please keep in mind that I am tired as shit, I lost my draft for this story which was actually really fucking good, and my keyboard has decided that it doesn't like registering certian keys. Grammar check also decided that we are on bad terms. Don't you just love technology? I sure do. (Sarcasm.) So, sorry about the long A/N, I just wanted to get a few things out of the way.**_ _**TO ANON: Someone Reviewed (I couldn't reply) saying that L couldn't have died just from cutting his wrist. Well, if you cut the vein, you will bleed out. If not treated very quickly, you can and most likely will die. Of course, I sped up the process, but yeah.**_

_White. It's getting closer. Is this what it's like to die? It's really not as horrid as people make it out to 's calming... There's no pain. It's as if all the evil held captive in the souls of the living has disappeared. It's slipped away from the material plane- much like I did. The blinding light spread out before me. It was so close. I was so close. So close to eternal peace, apathy. Oh, how I longed for it. My arm extends, fingertips barely grazing the pale, pale light. But, it's gone. The promise of hope is gone once more and I am left falling... Down...Down...Down... Perhaps it is not as ice as I imagined..._

I woke up. Why? I thought I was done here. I payed my time, dealt my cards. I should be finished. I waited a few moments, allowing myself to adjust to my new surroundings. Where was I? From the over-powering scent of sanitary supplies, random, steady beeping from various machines, and the occasional patter-patter of rushed, desperate footsteps, I assumed it was a hospital. It made sense, given the situation...

Why couldn't they just leave me alone to die? Couldn't they see that's what I wanted? I remembered the slight pinch of doubt that ran through my bleeding veins as I heard that person call my name. I still don't know who they were. I could never place a voice to a face.

I tried opening my eyes to survey the room, but jolted in pain at the attempt. The lights in the room were unnecessarily bright. It's hard to imagine that anyone could possibly function or navigate in this room.

My senses became more alert as the minutes ticked on. In the close distance, I could hear an unsteady heart-monitor stop. The '_Beep. Beep. Beep.' _Came less frequent, then altogether stopped. I could hear someone sobbing. A man from the sound of it. He would have had to hear something pretty devastating to cry like that. Someone was pacing. Numerous people. The sounds became louder the closer they got. They must be rushing to the guy who just died. I don't know why, but I wondered about that person. The one who just died. What all was he leaving behind? A wife? A husband? Fiance? What about kids? Did they have a mother ad father? Siblings? What will their co-workers think? What will his friends do when they hear he's gone? I don't have any time to think about it. I passed out.


End file.
